The Memory
by ComfortJD
Summary: A Diary based on the events of what happened to Dixie within series 23 with the Farmead.


"The Memory That Was Here In The Back Of My Head, The One That I Thought

Was Imagining...I Wasn't. Suddenly It Was There I Realised Something Had

Happened Before I Hit Her... It Was So Bad No Wander I Blanked It Out. It

Was Like I Wanted Them To Punish Me For What I'd Done To That Little Girl.

Three Weeks Ago Just Seconds Before I Hit That Little Girl And Put Her In A

Wheelchair For The Rest Off Her Life, Me And Jeff Did Something... Me And

Jeff Did A High Five. That Was The Memory I Blocked Out. I Wasn't Concentrating

Was I. I Wasn't Paying Attention. I'm Dixie, A Paramedic, I Help Save People's

Lives, That's What I Do. But I Was Messing Around, Now That Little Girl Will

Never Walk Again. It Was My Fault And I'll Never Be Able To Look Myself In The

Eye Again."

**6:00 AM**

My alarm clock is ringing away to itself, I'm already wide awake as it is though. Turning to look at it, I turn it off, stretching a little I sit up. Another day at work... I'm not looking forward to it though, it's the revealing of the Holby news... Where everything unravels on how I put that poor girl in a wheelchair. Sliding out off bed I get greeted by Lil Abs, my labrador, petting him I walk downstairs to the kitchen for food. Making some cereals, I get scared to death by the postman shoving the post through the door, no need to get up though as Lil abs brings it to me. Sifting through it before chucking it on the table, junk, as usual!

Finishing my Corn Flakes off I go upstairs to get ready into uniform. Sighing a bit as I take Abs for a walk, sorting him out before going to work.

**7:00 AM**

Now at work, first shout off the day, on shift with Jeff, I can live with that. Arriving at the scene it's obvious what's happened...a drunk. Oh well shifts can get better...can't they? Lugging the drunk in the ambulance we take him back to the ED shoving him to the nurses to look after, oh how they do love us paramedics! Sat in the ambulance, coffee in hands, relax. Ha! I wish, another shout comes through for another "collapsed male, in doorway." How I love this job sometimes. Arriving at the scene the patient is nowhere to be seen! He's just got up and walked off, charming! Mind you, not that Jeff was fussed as we were near a chipshop so he could get a Kebab...I know in this god for saken hour off morning, makes me wander how he can eat that stuff.

**8:00 AM**

Now back at the depo staring into space. Everythings gone quiet on the radio's and what "emergencies" we do get they're not very, how shall we say...exciting? Closing my eyes as I dose off a little, I get rudely awoken by Jeff singing to " I get knocked down." Opening my eyes as I roll my eyes a little bit as he starts banging on about the Holby news thing on TV. Now in a trance, I'm not paying attention I let Jeff waffle on. I don't want to hear or even think about the thing. Looking down slightly to my bandaged up hand, which doesn't look professional to say the least, letting a sigh out. Sipping my coffee from the paper cup, snapping out of my trance as Jeff asks me something. Looking to him blankly I just nod...I have no idea what he just said to me, so I hope I don't look an idiot if I just nod. Sipping my coffee as I finish it, aiming and throwing the cup at Jeff's head, as he stops talking and then whinges about how he gets the blame for everything.

**Midday**

Nothing really happened. Just a few boring shouts; as usual. Everyone's been going on about "Holby 999" I will not be watching. Couldn't think of anything more boring!

**8:30 PM**

Still sat in the depo, looking and staring. Now on my own as Jeff's vanished into the ED with the "lads". Getting up I walk into the office, looking to the stacks off paperwork that need filing and signing. Pulling a face, sitting down at the desk I start on the boring paperwork. Seeing the paper in front off me with the Holby news on with the ambulance and me and Jeff stood with the little girl. Looking away from it I look back to the paperwork in front off me. Tutting to myself as i see half off the paperwork isn't even mine. It seems as though everyone thinks I'm going to their paperwork for them. Drugs sheets that haven't been filled in. What does it take to get someone to any work round here! I end up saying this a tad bit too loudly as Jeff stands by the door, raising an eyebrow at him. He gets my anger and emotions thrown at him. He comes and joins me in my office as we sit on the edge off my desk. "They hate me Jeff." I say, the emotions now rolling out. The emotions, the fear, the pain, the emotions, the fear and the pain I have been holding in for a fortnight.


End file.
